Dear sons, now that you have decided to make teaching martial arts a career, instead of a pastime, please consider these words of experience.
As you know, most traditional groups have an unwritten policy on how to handle their life-long relationships between students and teachers. I have often felt that traditional groups seem to be set up in a similar manner to Mafia families-not that they are unlawful-but because they have “family” relationships.
Remember, when Sensei and his fellow student and best friend found that they had to change their affiliations in Okinawa? They took 10 years to do it and received a signed contract from their old organization to declare to the world that they had done this in an honorable manner.
In the old country, someone, who had left his previous “family” to join a new one, was viewed with great suspicion, rather than great hope. Having been disloyal, he was considered as being of poor character. My experience, during more than a quarter of a century, has told me that the family’s assessment was usually right.
If you find yourself in a situation, during the next quarter of a century, when you must change your affiliations, do so with great reluctance, a feeling of loss and great attention to detail. Don’t talk about problems with other people because they will come back to haunt you. Don’t use anger in your discussions, but logic and reason. Work for the mutual good, make everyone a winner and you will be a leader.
Remember that others of serious mind and commendable skill don’t want to hear you moan. They know there are always two sides to every problem. They just want to know that you are careful, honorable and discreet, and they can trust you with their future. Use this model in other areas of your life. Don’t burn bridges ever…ever…ever…unless you absolutely can’t help it.
You might not remember this example because it happened when most of you were young. Do you remember a student who eventually became an instructor from our original group of schools? Everyone helped him with his new school, and he grew quite well. Eventually, he turned against his sensei.
In the old country, someone, who had left his previous “family” to join a new one, was viewed with great suspicion, rather than great hope.
He grew large, rivaling the largest of us in numbers of schools and numbers of students; however, he had trouble retaining students. His higher ranks wouldn’t stay with him. They kept leaving to compete with him or to join competitors. A few years later, it all dwindled away. His students stopped coming to class, his bus stopped going to tournaments and his schools closed.
You can say many things to convince people of traditional values; however, after rearing a houseful of boys and having a hand in raising thousands of others, it seems strange to me that others wouldn’t understand that humans imitate how you ACT much more than they imitate what you SAY. Make your daily walk do the talking.
I have been amazed at how often I run across people who were affiliated in some way with me in the past; or I discover someone who is working with someone that I used to know. When this happens, I am reminded how some event from years ago may impact my life today.
When I give you this advice about not burning bridges, I don’t mean that you should never stand for what you believe-far from it. What I am suggesting is that you separate relationship friction from behavior that is detrimental to your community, family and school.
If you find yourself faced with a condition that is immoral and it is more than you can live with, (remembering that you have faults as well), then don’t be afraid to call it for what it is: Burn the bridge. Just be sure you say as much to their faces as you say behind their backs. This too, is honor.
Douglas Adamson teaches Shorei Kai (an Americanized Okinawan Karate system), classical Okinawan weapons and a kali system called Pikiti Tirsha.
